I pressed the door open. A simple gesture one uses many times throughout their day. Not unlike pulling, only opposite. The affect is instantly noticeable. Sometimes one will feel a strain in their arm, if the door is particularly heavy. This door led to light, and Truth. Yes, the door led to Truth. I guess it wasn't a normal door. But which are. Doors come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. You would think someone would create some sort of standardization, but no one ever has. Still, this door was more different than others. When you open it you don't step through it. Do not. I don't think you could anyway. Rather, it embraces you, with it's light. It leads to Truth. The light is Truth.

In this way even the Truth covers something up. It covers up Darkness. Nobody has ever discovered its motivations. Maybe it has none, maybe they are irrelevant. Probably not. You were in Darkness first. Why did you betray darkness? Did the Truth Make you? Darkness is not ignorance. You would be ignorant to think that. Really. It's more important than that. In this scenario you do not matter. Your act of opening the door means nothing. This is between Truth and Darkness. They were only using you from the beginning. Ha, you were fooled. Don't feel too bad, they've been at it for awhile. You're choice doesn't matter either. Just wanted to get that out of the way.

You were in Darkness first. Everyone, and everything, is. Light and Truth are just viral plagues rummaging the land. That is what Darkness might tell you. But Darkness is just holding you down and limiting your potential. So Truth might say.

Gray-land does not exist. Forget about it. You should be less idealistic.

The sky above possessed an ethereal quality. The type you only see rarely. It was full of color, and a life of its own. The type you get caught starring at for hours at a time for no apparent reason.

It was that kind of amazing.

I sat starring at it for hours. It was night, and a slight snow was coming down from the fragmented clouds overhead. The snow got caught up in the wind and was blown about as if by the hand of a puppeteer. I find myself fixated by such things. This night was particularly special. It was my birthday.

That may not make such a difference, but on special occasions I take the time to examine natural beauty more so than on other nights.

This all started with an argument. Not a real argument, but a conflict which left one party disappointed. I hate leaving people disappointed in me. It can't always be helped, though.

So I smoked too many cigarettes starring at the sky. It was beyond my control, beyond anyones control. Despite the fact that it was night it shined with an excellence reserved normally for the daytime. A crimson, harvest color that was brilliant to say the least.

I lit up another cigarette.

My troubles paled in comparison to the beauty viewable right outside my window. I looked away from the sight so that I might contemplate my feelings on certain matters. It was a futile endeavor. My sight could not be peeled away from the spectacular view in front of me. Then I realized it was pointless.

Life, events, everything, pointless when compared to the natural.

Then it hit me. That was the point. Not to sulk and contemplate, but to enjoy the moment. For what it was precisely at that time. To be content with what was around me. If you can do that you would be much happier too.

Too often we, humans, get caught up in the trivial, and the absurd. Only when we break away from those things can we appreciate the fleeting, and the miraculous. The perfect that envelopes every day that we simply overlook.

Perhaps things would be fine after all. I light up another cigarette. Things are perfect, I realize that now. Just how they are. For what they are. No matter how they are.

Dont forget that.

So I was in space, and saw a frog. In space. It was wearing a suit, and talking, it talked about a lot of things. It told me the sea is majestic, and I should ride the waves. It also said ribbit ribbit ribbit. Maybe that's all it said.

I've come to the point where I don't know what I want. Previously, I've always had that, I've known what I wanted. At least to the extent necessary, and I got by in quite a content fashion. Not anymore. All of a sudden it's become imperative that I know more of what I want to do. College, work, career, these things have been placed upon me, and I 'have' to make a decision. The thing is, I don't want to. I'm not a very ambitious person, and just getting by has been relatively enough. Now everything is messed up.

I don't know how the sudden change occurred. I'm still quite content, but there is more stress there somehow, and I can't seem to shake it off any longer. I guess the root of the problem is college. In college they want you to have a destination in mind, a point for which the student can strive. Did I mention that I lack ambition? I've always liked not having a destination. Neither point a or b interest me at all.

And so I sit here writing this, in a dorm room, at college. I think to myself how I winded up here, and wonder why I don't want to be here. Probably because I see no point. I'm just gaining debt, when I could be just as happy off working somewhere gaining income. But college is 'the thing to do', and it seems inescapable. Breaking the mold is hard enough, and it only becomes harder when other peoples expectations are added to the mix. How I hate to disappoint. Fuck.

When it rains, it pours.